37. Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover
Allow me to share a recent encounter that altered my perspective on the act of judging others based on their outward appearances. Just last week, I found myself in a situation that would challenge my preconceptions and reinforce the significance of empathy and compassion. It all started when a stranger reached out to me for assistance. He received my phone number from a friend of a friend of a friend. He explained that he and his girlfriend were in desperate need of clothing, and he heard that I may be able to help them out. I collect donations daily and deliver them weekly to local shelters, rehabs, and individuals in need. Without hesitation, I asked for their clothing sizes and embarked on the task of assembling a collection of donations for them.
Over the course of a few days, I meticulously sorted through clothing items, filling four large garbage bags with apparel for both men and women. A few days later I made a delivery to the address he had shared, which only happened to be a thirty-five-minute drive from my location. Upon my arrival, I dialed his number, and moments later, he emerged from his residence. What unfolded before my eyes left me stunned. His face bore an intricate tapestry of tattoos, so extensive that it was difficult to even determine his ethnicity. Among these tattoos were unmistakable gang tattoos. I know this because the gang’s name was literally tattooed on his forehead, accompanied by teardrop symbols and Spanish phrases etched across his face. Despite my initial astonishment, I greeted him with a firm handshake and began the task of unloading the bags, placing them on the sidewalk before him. While my innate curiosity compelled me to inquire about his life and experiences, I refrained knowing that could come off as rude. Instead, I extended my offer of assistance once more, reassuring him that I would be available should further needs arise.
To my astonishment, my phone was soon flooded with messages of gratitude from the tattooed man that forced me to reconsider my initial assumptions. To me, the texts just didn’t seem like things a hardened gang member would say. A few days later, he reached out once more, this time requesting shoes and winter clothing for both himself and his girlfriend, accompanied by a list of their sizes again. Armed with this information, I happily undertook the task of assembling yet another three garbage bags filled with an assortment of clothing, jackets, shoes, and food items. Returning to his apartment, I called him upon arrival, and once more, he appeared outside to meet me. We began talking as I unloaded my car. We traded small talk but after a few minutes I found myself unable to resist the impulse to ask, “So, what’s your story, man?”
What unfolded was a heart-wrenching narrative. He disclosed that he had been born in El Salvador into a family deeply entrenched in a notorious gang. His parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins—virtually his entire family—were all established members of the same gang. He had been born into a life seemingly destined for failure from the jump. The story continued as he revealed that his father had initiated his facial tattoos when he was a mere SIX years old. By the young age of twelve, his entire body had been covered with gang tattoos.
However, a perspective shift occurred after he became a father himself. Fueled by a desire to provide his child with a life free from the shackles of the gang, he made the journey to America, armed with nothing but the clothes on his back. Unfortunately, his face tattoos proved to be insurmountable obstacles in his quest for employment, with potential employers often dismissing him solely based on his appearance. He confided in me that he hated looking into mirrors and seeing the reflection that stared back at him, but the financial strain of tattoo removal was beyond his means. My heart ached for him, and I marveled at the resilience that had allowed him to endure such a turbulent life. As our conversation continued, his toddler son ventured out of the front door, and I had the privilege of being introduced to him.
I realized that beneath the tattoos was a father striving relentlessly to offer his child a life vastly different from his own tumultuous upbringing. The gratitude he expressed for the donations went far beyond my initial expectations. This encounter served as a stark reminder of the timeless lesson, "Don't judge a book by its cover." Although I had heard this phrase many times throughout my life, rarely had I adhered to its wisdom. This experience served as a profound lesson in suspending judgment, acknowledging the deceptive nature of appearances, and appreciating the complexities of each person's life story.
The importance of being compassionate and withholding judgment based on outward appearances cannot be overstated. We must strive to treat everyone with kindness and respect, regardless of how different they may seem at first glance. The story of this man with tattoos on his face is a testament to the power of empathy and the importance of seeing a person beyond the exterior. By doing so, we can truly make a difference in people's lives and break the cycle of prejudice that hinders our society.
And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope. If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.
