49. Emily Sigerson’s “Reverse Poem” on Addiction
In 2018, during my first-ever stint in rehab, I encountered a remarkably unique poem that initially didn't leave a profound impression on me. However, as I navigated through subsequent rehab programs in the following years, this particular poem often resurfaced in group therapy sessions, gradually revealing its genuine beauty upon each revisit. Delving deeper into its origins, I discovered that this masterpiece was penned by a woman named Emily Sigerson. I’m not sure if she suffers from the disease of addiction or not. I don’t think it matters either way. Despite my limited knowledge about Emily, her poem resonated deeply with me. Through my research, I found that the poem is uniquely classified as a “reverse poem,” something I had never heard of before. A reverse poem is a unique form of poetry where the meaning of the text becomes clear when read in a specific order, usually from top to bottom, and then takes on a different meaning when read in the opposite direction, from bottom to top. In this specific poem reading it conventionally, from top to bottom, unveils a portrayal of the mindset of someone caught in active addiction. Yet, when read in reverse, from bottom to top, the entire perspective changes, capturing the essence of the mindset of someone in recovery. Regardless of Emily's personal connection to addiction, her poem beautifully conveys the intricate journey from the depths of addiction to the hopeful ascent of recovery. Below is the poem when read conventionally, portraying the mindset of someone caught in the grips of active addiction…
In addiction
My soul is lost
I refuse to believe
That I can break out of this prison
Now I know, from the depths of my being
That recovery is unattainable
It is an absolute lie
That I am worthy of love and understanding
I will wholeheartedly confess
That my solution is in my next high
It is hopeless to think
I can get better
In case you believe otherwise
I respectfully disagree
I am too far gone and
I don’t think that
I am strong enough to fight this
You must not really know me because
I give up too easily
If you say that
I can do this
I don’t believe you
Now, upon reading it in reverse (the poem below has been reversed for you), the perspective shifts to the mindset of someone in recovery from active addiction.
I don’t believe you
I can do this
If you say that
I give up too easily
You must not really know me because
I am strong enough to fight this
I don’t think that
I am too far gone and
I respectfully disagree
In case you believe otherwise
I can get better
It is hopeless to think
That my solution is in my next high
I will wholeheartedly confess
That I am worthy of love and understanding
It is an absolute lie
That recovery is unattainable
Now I know, from the depths of my being
That I can break out of this prison
I refuse to believe
My soul is lost
In addiction
Sigerson cleverly presents a narrative that initially appears to embrace a feeling of hopelessness that is often experienced in active addiction. It begins with a stark admission, "In addiction, my soul is lost," setting the tone for a journey through the depths of despair. The lines, "I refuse to believe that I can break out of this prison," express a sense of entrapment, portraying addiction as an insurmountable confinement. The use of the term "prison" conveys a powerful metaphor, suggesting the inescapable nature of the struggles faced by those in the throes of active addiction. That view is then intensified as she asserts, "Now I know, from the depths of my being, that recovery is unattainable." Here, the poem seems to declare a definitive verdict that seeking recovery from addiction is not possible.
The reversal, however, brings a surprising twist, exposing the inherent deception within the poem. By untangling the words, a different narrative emerges. The realization that "recovery is unattainable" becomes, "it is an absolute lie that recovery is unattainable." This shift challenges the reader's initial assumptions and highlights the potential for recovery, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. The lines stating, "it is an absolute lie that I am worthy of love and understanding," initially indicate an addict’s deep-rooted feeling of self-loathing. However, when reversed, it transforms into a declaration of self-worth: "It is an absolute lie that I am not worthy of love and understanding." This dual perspective beautifully captures the internal conflict within individuals struggling with addiction, torn between feelings of unworthiness and the inherent human need for love and understanding. "I will wholeheartedly confess that my solution is in my next high," first appears as a surrender to the destructive cycle of addiction. However, the reversal challenges the perception that drugs hold the key to resolution, emphasizing the importance of seeking healthier alternatives for coping. The poem's complexity deepens with the lines, "It is hopeless to think I can get better; in case you believe otherwise, I respectfully disagree." The reversed version asserts, "I can get better, it is hopeless to think, that my solution is in my next high." This perfectly encapsulates the uncertainty often experienced by individuals grappling with addiction, torn between the despair of hopelessness and the flicker of optimism that change is possible. The poem culminates with a moving reflection on self-perception: "You must not really know me because I give up too easily. If you say that I can do this, I don’t believe you." The reversal challenges this pessimistic attitude, transforming it into an acknowledgment of resilience: "If you say that I give up too easily, you must not really know me because I am strong enough to fight this." This final revelation exposed in the reversal challenges stereotypes surrounding addiction, asserting the strength and potential for recovery within each struggling individual.
Emily Sigerson's reverse poem on addiction artfully navigates the complexities of drug addiction. By manipulating language, Sigerson challenges the reader to reconsider their preconceptions and judgments regarding individuals grappling with addiction. The reversal of the poem challenges these preconceptions and illuminates the inherent resilience and potential for recovery within individuals struggling with addiction. Sigerson’s reversal encourages an understanding of addiction, emphasizing empathy, support, and the possibility of a transformative lifestyle change.
And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope. If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.
