10. The Void Left When You Stop Using
When an addict or alcoholic stops using, they are often left with a huge void to fill. They feel as if there is a big hole, or gap, in their life that their substance abuse used to fill. They suddenly find themselves with an abundance of downtime, causing boredom and this can be SO dangerous for an addict because it allows their mind to really wander, not staying focused on their recovery. Maintaining recovery requires that an addict learn how to fill this void with positive things such as hobbies, careers, relationships etc. If an addict is not able to find new, healthier and more productive ways to fill their void, they are ultimately more at risk to relapse.
I believe that filling the void is one of the first things an addict must consciously work on while adjusting to a life in sobriety. I struggled with this for a very, very long time and as a result, I was a chronic relapser, constantly entering rehabs but never leaving them with any true change in my toxic behaviors. When I finally stopped using, I suddenly found myself with so much downtime on my hands. I had gotten so used to passing my time by drinking my face off in my favorite dive bar until I finally went home to eat a handful of Xanax so that I could “knockout” comfortably for the night; just to wake up and do it all over again. I was twenty nine years old when I finally got clean this time around. It was totally embarrassing to admit that I couldn’t manage downtime at that age. The truth of the matter is that I hadn’t managed downtime without the use of drugs in well over fifteen years. Downtime isn’t always something that we consciously think about while navigating the madness of everyday life; but when you are put in a situation where you are forced to manage an overabundance of downtime, it can prove to be extremely difficult… trust me!
When I finally got clean this time, I had absolutely no idea how to pass time without the use of alcohol and drugs. I didn’t have any hobbies outside of using. I didn’t have any career aspirations aside from dealing drugs. I found that alI I really wanted to do was go back to my old way of life, using alcohol and drugs, but I knew deep down that I needed to do something different. I began asking other addicts who have a substantial amount of clean time what they suggest I do to pass downtime now that I was no longer using. The most common answer I received was a very simple one. It was to find a hobby. It didn’t matter if it was a new hobby, or a lost hobby rediscovered. I decided to have a go at painting, and in my opinion, I absolutely sucked at it! What I discovered when I was painting was that my mind would slow to almost a complete stop. It was the first time in a long time where I was able to truly shut my mind off, without the use of any illicit substances. I would look up from painting after what felt like a half of an hour only to find that it had been three hours! Running and working out in the gym had the same effect. Not only did they help pass time, but they also really helped with my overall mental health. When someone works out, endorphins are released helping to improve their mood. Endorphins have been scientifically proven to ease depression symptoms and help alleviate anxiety and stress. To this very day, I still work out and run almost daily. When I’m not able to, I find that I become very moody, and I feel as though something is missing from my day.
My life in addiction was chaotic, to say the least. So, when I finally left that life behind, I found myself exceptionally bored with a lot of time on my hands. I just couldn’t quite figure out how to effectively manage downtime without the use of alcohol and drugs. I’m so grateful for the suggestions I was given on how to pass time in my early recovery. Without them, I’m not sure I’d be sober today.
And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope. If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to spread awareness today.
