45. Journals from Rehab - Part 2
One of the integral components of many rehabilitation programs is the practice of journaling. Journaling involves the regular recording of thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It provides individuals in substance abuse rehabilitation with a structured means of self-reflection. Writing about personal experiences and emotions allows individuals to gain insight into the underlying causes of their addiction. Through the process of introspection, individuals can identify patterns of behavior, triggers, and emotional stressors that contribute to their substance abuse.
Addiction often coexists with a range of complex emotions, such as guilt, shame, anger, and anxiety. Journaling serves as a safe outlet for individuals to express and explore these emotions. By putting their feelings into words, individuals can process and make sense of their emotional experiences. This process not only aids emotional regulation but also facilitates healthier coping mechanisms, reducing the reliance on substances as a means of escape or numbing.
Understanding the circumstances that trigger substance abuse is crucial for relapse prevention. Journaling provides a platform for individuals to identify and analyze triggers and high-risk situations that may lead to cravings or setbacks. By documenting these instances, individuals, along with their therapists, can develop strategies to cope effectively with challenges and build resilience.
Journaling compliments traditional therapeutic approaches by fostering improved communication between individuals in rehabilitation and their therapists. The written record of thoughts and experiences allows therapists to gain deeper insights into the individual's mindset and tailor interventions accordingly. This enhanced communication often promotes a more personalized and effective treatment plan.
In the tranquil and rather somber setting of a rehabilitation center, amidst the process of healing and self-discovery, I found solace and empowerment through the practice of journaling. Each day became a chapter in my journey to sobriety, as I picked up a pen and poured my thoughts onto the pages of a notebook. Journaling became a therapeutic outlet, allowing me to untangle the web of emotions, triggers, and future aspirations. The penned pages serve as a canvas for reflection, offering a safe space to confront the past, acknowledge the present, and envision a future free from the shackles of addiction. As I meticulously documented my triumphs and setbacks, journaling proved to be a very, very powerful tool for self-awareness and accountability. It was in these quiet moments of introspection that I discovered the strength within myself to rewrite my narrative, one heartfelt entry at a time.
I regret not bringing this up last week; it slipped my mind. I wish to emphasize to my readers that these journal entries remain entirely unaltered. They were all penned during the immediate aftermath of my substance use and detoxification process. During that time, my thoughts were hazy, and my writing lacked the clarity it possesses today. I'm offering you these journals in their unadulterated form, just as they were originally penned.
“I’ve always tended to gravitate to the wrong types of people. I have always been attracted to the kids who caused trouble and generally did not follow the rules. I liked the kids who “went against the grain.” This has always been a huge problem for me. In the past, while in rehab, I always tended to gravitate to the patients who were mandated to treatment by a criminal court and wanted nothing to do with recovery. There were many times after being released from rehab that I met up with other patients to either buy drugs or sell drugs to them. Another issue I’ve had is that I always wanted to put up this big tough guy facade. I wanted to be respected by others for all the wrong reasons. The truth is that I’m not this big tough guy I make myself out to be. Acting like this has gotten me nowhere positive in life. It has dragged me down and is a big reason I am in the position that I am in today. I don’t think I’ve ever just been myself. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
“I’m 29 years old, sitting in the hospital, feeling like this is the end. Most people my age are excelling in their careers, starting families of their own, buying houses, traveling the world, etc. Me… well I’m a drug addict with $49.00 to my name. The only thing else I have is my clothes and my dog. I own absolutely nothing else. Since February 2018, when I completed my first rehab stint, I have totaled four different vehicles, wrecked a telephone pole, and rolled my car all while under the influence of drugs and alcohol. It’s a MIRACLE that I have not killed myself or someone else. The fact that these situations have not stopped me from continuing to do drugs and drive under the influence is insane. They say the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results each time. I have been able to put together short spells of sobriety, however, I always go back to what I know best… drinking, drugging, dealing, lying, and manipulating. I always go back to those things, and it always ends worse. I’ve tried just using drugs. I’ve tried not using drugs but just selling drugs and that sure as hell has never worked; like they say, “A monkey can’t sell bananas.” I have tried just drinking but not drugging. I’ve tried just drugging and not drinking. It always ends badly. ALWAYS.”
“I’ve seen the process of recovery work in so many different people. I know it is possible. I know what needs fixing. I just don’t have the tools to fix it on my own. I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE; it will not work. I must keep reminding myself of that in order to stay on the right track. I must not lose sight of the end goal. I must never forget how my mother and my sister looked the night they left me in the hospital to detox. It totally ripped me up and broke my heart. They deserve so much better than that.”
And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope. If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.
