7. The Gifts of Sobriety
Addiction took a lot from me, and it took a lot out of me. I was robbed of very simple things that I often overlooked or forgot about during my active addiction. Sobriety, on the other hand, has granted me many of these gifts back (and more), but not without me putting in some good, honest work to change myself.
I have been clean for three years, two months and some change. EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT I WAKE UP CLEAN AND SOBER IS A GIFT. Let me say that again for you… EVERY SINGLE DAY THAT I WAKE UP CLEAN AND SOBER IS A GIFT. I cannot stress that enough. It is truly a miracle for any addict to be able to go twenty-four hours without needing to use a substance. I often joke that the world had to stop turning and the stars had to align perfectly for me to have a fair shot at recovery (a little bit dramatic, but you get the point). I’m grateful for EVERYTHING that sobriety has gifted me, but none more so than my family, my newfound purpose in life and a “finely tuned moral compass.”
At some point, my family realized that I was the only one who could make the changes necessary to work towards sobriety. I was impossible to talk to or interact with. They became so frustrated and fed up with me, and my poor behavior during my active addiction that they couldn’t watch me sit around and slowly kill myself with alcohol and drugs any longer. In order to protect themselves, they pulled away from me. If I had been in their position, I believe that I would have done the same thing. I barely even noticed they had retreated because my brain and my mind were so clouded from the alcohol and drugs. Today I can proudly say that I have my family back in my life. Family has become one of the most important things in my life again. I never lost their love, that remained constant, and I know that to be true today. What I lost was their respect, their trust and their confidence in my ability to stay sober. This wasn’t an immediate gift that was granted as soon as I finally stopped using alcohol and drugs. I had to put some work in on my end to prove that I was worthy of their trust and respect again. Today my family members are the biggest cheerleaders of my recovery and I’m truly grateful for them. Only sobriety could have granted this gift back to me.
Addiction sucked all the purpose out of my life. Whether it was family, friends, hobbies, careers, etc. - all nowhere to be found when the alcohol and drugs took full control of my life. My only purpose in active addiction was to get that next high; no matter what, no matter how. That was it. That’s no way for anyone to live; completely purposeless. This too wasn’t immediately gifted to me when I finally put the alcohol and drugs down. I had to put some effort in on my end to find a purpose - MY purpose, in life again. Today I can report that I fully believe I have found a purpose in my life again. My newfound purpose is to simply try to help others avoid making the same poor decisions that I made. In active addiction my purpose in life is meaningless. Just a constant rat race to get that next fix. Sobriety has gifted me a newfound purpose in life, and for that I am eternally grateful.
While in active addiction, all bets were off. I would do WHATEVER I needed to do in order to score money and drugs. I didn’t care what others thought about my actions while I was caught in the grips of addiction. Plain and simple; I sold pills for years to support my massive Xanax habit. I didn’t consider what was in the pills that I so recklessly sold to others. If it lined my pockets, I was happy. I never once thought about the people I was selling drugs to or how I might be negatively affecting their life by doing so. I only ever did favors for others as a way of getting something I wanted in return. I always had an ulterior motive. Today, as an addict in recovery, it’s very simple; I just do the next right thing in life. Whether it be something as small as holding a door for someone or something bigger like returning a lost wallet with money in it, I do these things because it’s simply the right thing to do. Addiction stole the morals that were instilled in me from a young age and if I choose to pick up and use alcohol and drugs again, you can bet your bottom dollar that my morals are one of the first things to go out the window. I’m truly grateful for sobriety and how it has allowed me to establish morals in my life again.
As I stated earlier, every single day that I wake up clean and sober is a gift. Addiction robbed me of so much. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, and I sincerely mean it when I say that. I’m very grateful for my sobriety. Over the past three years it has graciously gifted me back things that I didn’t even realize addiction had snatched from me.
And remember, if you’re struggling, or know someone who is struggling, please don’t lose hope. If that had happened to me, I wouldn’t be able to help spread awareness today.
